Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
