.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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