dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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