Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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