FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
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So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
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He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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