Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
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But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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