You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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