your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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