I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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