I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
