Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
