sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
