Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
