apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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