I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
