Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Also, beer. Big fan.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
