pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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