I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
