hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
