i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
