he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
