Just fell off a train. Bad.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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