I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
