My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
