Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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