and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
