Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
