She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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