i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We need to get me chipped asap
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
