It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
