I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
