You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
