I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you never un-have a 4some
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
