Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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