Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
