I CAN MOONWALK!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
