Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
