it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
