In the future we'll all be gay
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
