I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
