at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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