sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
