final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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