when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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