I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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