Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
