I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
should my penis look like a turkey
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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