do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
