That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
