Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
