I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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