i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
