Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
