it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
