I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
