No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You ruined the universe
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
