Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
