Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
