I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
