She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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