Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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