He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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