Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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