I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
