He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm bleeding and have questions
My life is pants optional.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
