If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
