she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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