I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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