did you get engaged???
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
