Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
