they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
